Carl & Other Thoughts On BIPOC LGBTQIA Liberation

It took Carl guts to publicly announce his sexuality. But at the end of the day Carl Nissab can physically, financially, take care of himself. He has the support of the NFL. There’s Democrats in office and most of all he can be a Pride month show horse for convenient capitalism. The NFL is also banking on White Privilege to support Carl’s homosexuality. Someone had to do it eventually. But what if a Black or Latinx player wanted to come out? There’s a lot of cultural and political reasons why that probably wouldn’t happen. How would that have played out on the home field?

So we’re into football now. 🤣 Congrats to Carl Nissab for openly owning his sexuality!! Representation is super important, but one white player declaring their sexual orientation doesn’t change the rules of patriarchal games.

Raiders Defensive End, Carl Nissab

It doesn’t negate the fact that it’s ILLEGAL to be LGBTQIA in 69 countries. #ironic. Or that many of the people who watch Carl play, voted against trans youth from playing in them/they/their sports.

Teen suicide rates have dropped since marriage equality was legalized. But LGBTQIA youth are 8 times more likely to kill themselves than their heteronormative counterparts.

You may not see it, however social workers & counselors see kids who are still being told they are wrong for having same sex attractions or non-binary gender identifications.

White men have also colonized the narrow pelvic arc & declared private acts immoral except for ones they like themselves. 🎤

It took Carl guts to publicly announce his sexuality. But unlike many in the LGBTQIA community Carl Nissab can physically & financially take care of himself at this point. There’s a slim majority of Democrats in office. Finally, he’s kind of a convenient Pride month showhorse for the NFL Corporation.

The NFL is banking on White Privilege to support Carl’s sexual orientation. Someone had to do it eventually. But what if a Black, Asian, or Latinx player wanted to come out?

There’s a lot of cultural context and personal considerations to unpack with any decision like this. There are unfortunately very religious, financial & political reasons that wouldn’t play out on the home field just yet.

The same could be true for myself, friends, for many of us out there in the adult gay community. As difficult as it was for us to grapple with our sexuality, we’re still benefitting and from being Caucasian. It’s not a condemnation. It’s just something White gays need to be aware of.

You don’t get to just show up tipsy to 1 Pride Parade and that’s your Queer “Couture of Duty” for the year. 🤣

Just like Our Black Drag Mothers use silhouettes & songs to elevate the community- we must use our privilege & platforms. We must look out for our LGBTQIA+ fam lacking systemic access, relatives, or support networks.

Follow @HeyMissZarah on Instagram!

There are kids of all races and backgrounds living in foster homes, social work offices, in various places all across the world and country who may never have the opportunities to be openly queer, or to transition without fear of retaliation, or being abandoned, or feel safe enough to use a bathroom.

We’ve been conditioned to think “maybe it’s okay for a pop-star or an artist to be gay.” Yet homosexuality in sports is portrayed as gross and morally wrong.

LGBTQIA & BIPOC individuals are silently shamed into compliance at every societal level. So we’re flipping the script and creating cultures of equity, solidarity, & empowerment for all of us.

It’s as if fragile male identities would be destroyed if they found out a guy who works out & wears spandex might be punting for the same team. That has everything to do w/ the spectators than it does about being a “real” cis-gendered male. They still won’t let women play ball unless it’s off the field.Just like electing one Black POTUS & 1 female Black, Indian, & Asian VP are historic steps- they come 400 years too late. His important declaration doesn’t derail the religious & systemic oppressions which caused him or us to “come out” in the first place.

Unless we uproot the sources of racism and homophobia we’re only severing branches. We gotta stop paying lip service to the idea of queer & BIPOC liberation & own it.

You are free within your mind. The false dichotomies exist to divide us. Those in power conquer us while we squabble against one another. You have the ability and freewill to determine your emotions. You have the ability to deprogram yourselves. Personal transformation occurs in purposeful action by individuals, the establishment, & society.

Maybe more queer kids would play more sports if we had felt safe on the team. As Carl said, “representation and visibility are so important. I actually hope one day, the whole coming-out process won’t be necessary.” It’s the hope many people share. At least we know Carl’s out there on the field and he’s not alone. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎

Setting the Record Strait Part 2

I was at Mt. Shasta writing about one of the most surreally difficult nights of my life, right before another strange event occurred on this mountain. Truth can be a stranger dance than any of our fictions.

You see, I slipped through the trapdoor of my mind after a BLM celebration, on the night of Juneteenth 2020. Transported through ethers after being intentionally drugged, without my consent or awareness.

Two days prior I had spoken out against local Proud Boys who had intimated protestors, and which I had also experienced firsthand. Now here I was getting dosed and later threatened, in my home, by several gay men who refused to denounce white supremacy- one of whom I had briefly dated.

A Fuckboi’s still a fuckboi- even if you’re locked together during quarantine.

I quickly learned a few things things that blurry night.

1. Racism can surprising extend past the reaches of sexual orientation into White superiority & Proud Boy territory.

2. Being dosed was not as fun as I used to hypothetically inappropriately joke about.

3. Feeling unsafe in your own home is a different level of fear. One which I had seen clients deal with as a social worker, but now it was happening to me while in duress. I didn’t know who to trust.

After three weeks of protesting & defunding the Portland Police by $15 million, the Black community threw a celebration and commemoration of Black freedom on Juneteenth 2020.

It was also the first day the Covid restrictions had been lifted. I decided to throw a small gathering because there had been much to celebrate that day. Whatever merriment was to be had quickly turned into a nightmare I could not get out of.

During that dosing I felt rippled through multiple timelines. Awake, slightly out of body, and far away from those moments. Wavering in and out of my present consciousness and through to possible past lives.

I could see myself and the other people I was talking to from above my own body. It sounds so strange but the words being said and emotions being felt were not mine alone for a few hours.

I still replay that evening’s events trying to understand what happened during that state of altered consciousness. For several months afterward, I came back a different soul briefly transported to another dimensional plane.

Was this all just a side effect of being in an altered state of consciousness? Did I have a shamanic experience that night or was it a brief psychosis triggered by a series of recently traumatic experiences?

Are these all just intriguing scenarios to explain the earthly and devastating reality of what happened during and after this night took place?

Returning to the present moment, I was witness to a surreal experience at Mount Shasta. Was this strange calling to follow the mysterious woman on the trail actually real or just the product of an overactive slightly stoned interpretation?

Were these true mystical experiences or do I just want them to be? Aren’t we all just seeking answers somewhere between reality and just beyond the veil?

I was over this Lemony Snicketts existence. The joke of reliving certain patterns and unexplainable circumstances, and bearing the weight of consequences that just took different forms in intricate and complicated ways.

To what purposes do signs show themselves to give only half of an answer? We are the faulty transmitters of subjective experiences. We bring all of our past programming along with us. And also our new understandings if we open ourselves to other possibilities.

During this mountain hike, I asked the Universe for a sign. Then a sudden awareness came into being.

Perhaps we are all living through multiple realities and passing though unseen dimensions in every moment.

The skeptic in me found this premise difficult to deny as the next mystical journey began to subtly unravel on Mt. Shasta & before my very eyes. I’m still on the quest to untangle these and many other mysteries in my life, Earth, & the Universe.

Rider of Days (Part 1)

This year has led us down the path to becoming unconditional. To acceptance of life’s continual uncertainties. It’s the surest voyage to setting yourself free.

We are all riders on different courses of a mortal journey. This Universe resides nowhere and all at once, forever in the process of becoming.

Maybe it takes the pulling away of the light for leaves & light to matter. There’s no map, no brave stars to tell us the way to go. Would we listen if there were?

This year has led us down the path to becoming unconditional. To acceptance of life’s continual uncertainties. It’s the surest voyage to setting yourself free.


We are all riders on different courses of a mortal journey. This Universe resides nowhere and all at once, forever in the process of becoming.

As the second week of Oregon’s second quarantines begin, it seems easier to calibrate and accept that we must pull back to save future lives now. Along with the global Covid crisis- the Black Lives Protests amplified an already awakening of humanity.

Every action may have an equal and opposite reaction but I intend my countenance will be stable and unchanging in spite of difficulties & ignoble politicians.

Maybe it takes the pulling away of the light for leaves & light to matter. There’s no map, no brave stars to tell us the way to go.

Out in the lonely channels there are great waves being made. Would we listen if there weren’t?

All of the frustrations you feel are valid. The vapid squalor society makes you feel like the one who’s fucked up. We are taught self-care and acceptance, coming together as diverse communities, inclusion and equity aren’t as important than the goals of a dominant culture built upon intimidation and mass production.

The advancement for equity and justice for Black Lives has been a well-spring of knowledge and cooperation, inclusion, and loving your fellow human. The rage has begun to quell- at least for a moment- and opens up a walk to something more.

In becoming unconditional you flip the equations of Newtonian limitations.

We’re coming to a higher awareness of accepting the other. The next challenge we are being called to is giving love to people we would otherwise disagree with & shame. Even when it’s warranted. Especially because it’s hard to do.

Because in becoming unconditional- you accept everything even when you can’t love yourself or forgive another person or country- you choose to love anyway.

The beat of an ocean calls forth your valiant surrender to all you can’t control.

In the process of becoming unconditional you find small brilliance in little moments.

Listen to your heart. Let it thunder in the darkest corners. Let it fill the night which hears your longing.

When the work we do in private begins to manifest in ripples, the surge of abundance must be close behind. A small trickle couldn’t have gotten to you without flowing forth from the momentum that creates worlds. We don’t see all that was on its way coming until blessings begin breaking onto our shores.

In the process of becoming unconditional, you realize that a state of complete acceptance is not a static state of being.

Every day in every moment we are choosing what type of person we want to be. We must collectively come together- even if many of us are kicking and screaming on the way.

Because in the process of becoming unconditional, you believe in the godship within yourself. You find the divine within another person.

Even within the people and situations, systems that are totally broken, offensive, or oppressive. You choose to see the “I” in everyone.

Out here belong generational yearnings of all people calling to be free. We are the nameless thousands speaking in one voice. A multifaceted singular vision that is everything all at once and not at all.

And then

fading back,

into sand

into the drift,

again & begin.

Let Freedom Ring!

Some men are

of the opinion

that God gave them Earth

to rule as their dominion.

Beasts to subdue

Manifest lands to ravage

Peace was slaughtered

Its Peoples were called Savage.

Modern generations birthed

beneath fluorescent glows

God became irrelevant

when man learned fire all his own.

But I’ve always felt more

akin to Icarus

With dreams to melt the sun

Wax is just another Eucharist

to clip a child’s caged song.

Rhymes in fences

reflect the hour:

Christ’s frightened flocks-

whom wield white power.

Auschwitz, America

comes not for Native, Gay, Black, or Jew.

Barbed wire spiritually enslaves

those who’ve paid the Devil’s due.

“Foxes are spoiling the vineyards

Oh help us, great Catcher in the sky!”

Did you forget the thousands of charred and scarecrowed Titubas,

Peoples’ ancestors unnamed & buried beneath White Rye?

Does the cry for freedom

not from within you also call?

His Blood is on the cross

But You paid blood money

to build a wall!

Your Statues are crumbling

Your Systemic oppression will fall!

a billion voices are uttering,

“Let Freedom Ring

When JUSTICE IS FOR ALL!”

Epilogue:

My country,

This of thee

Land of inequality

Of thee I sing

Land where their fathers died,

land where their children cried,

from every township and capitol

Every courtroom and classroom

From every street corner

from every city town and capitol

Every courtroom and classroom

From every street corner and ocean

From the White House

To the Halfway house

From every person

On every mountainside

and beyond

We are letting Freedom

truly Ring.

Let Freedom Ring 07/04/20

Some men are

of the opinion

that God gave them Earth

to rule as their dominion.

Beasts to subdue Manifest lands to ravage Peace was slaughtered Its Peoples were called Savage.

Modern generations birthed

beneath fluorescent glows

God became irrelevant when man learned fire all his own.

But I’ve always felt more akin to Icarus

With dreams to melt the sun

Wax is just another Eucharist

to clip a caged child song.

Rhymes in fences reflect the hour

of frightened flocks

who wield white power.

Auschwitz, America

comes not for native, Black, or Jew.

Barbed wire have

spiritually enslaved those

who’ve paid the Devi’s due.

“Foxes are spoiling the vineyards

Oh help us, great Catcher in the sky!” Did you forget the thousands of charred and scarecrowed Titubas, Peoples’ ancestors unnamed & buried beneath White Rye? Does the cry for freedom not from within you call? His Blood is on the cross But You paid blood money to build a wall

Statues are crumbling

Systemic oppression will fall,

a billion voices are uttering, “justice for us all.”

My country,

This of thee Sweet land of inequality Of thee I sing

Land where their fathers died, land where their children cried,

from every township and capitol Every courtroom and classroom From every street corner

Detainment Center From the White House To the Halfway house From every person On every mountainside

Let Freedom Ring.

The Protest Manifestos: Excerpts (Volume 1)

For we lie with primordial oppressors pressing up and against each other. An eternal cycle of validation and degradation. Creation, present being, and destruction.

Every action is in effort to achieve a goal. The Earth’s plates rubbed against each other and created mountains. Seas were parted in the birthing of Volcanoes.

Nations rise in valorous quests for freedom and equality. Empires fall to ruin under the weight of their own ineptitude, terrors, and systematic oppressions- once primordial and now solely human based.

Let us now take inspiration from Earth- more than ever before.

The gradual continental drift set in motion new course for life of all species upon the planet. It’s hard to understand how everything is connected when all you’ve ever known is your same hometown, friends, and communities.

Just because you don’t see things or experience the beauty of a waterfall or a beating by a police officer, the abuse of a parent, the kiss of a lover doesn’t make any of it less true or real. Lives are being lived and thriving and being snuffed out and forgotten all around us every day.

For the vast majority of privileged people it’s easier to blame another person, race, population, or system than to do your own internal work.

The systemic abuses and political inequalities around us are staggering and shameful. And for many people it seems superfluous to do the “internal work” when you’re just trying to get my make basic ends meet.

Why should you care about other people’s struggles when you haven’t had the education or opportunities to live or go outside of your community?

Yet, you don’t have to be educated or privileged to see another’s suffering and choose to ignore it.

Privilege is a ridiculous entitlement no one should possess by virtues of skin tone or orientation. But to have social privilege and ignore another’s oppression is the antithesis of humanity.

Who’s responsible for taking care of our houseless and vulnerable populations? It’s a question we have all asked at times.

The daunting task of what I am calling Societal Assignment leaves agencies and individuals with little social responsibility akin to Bystander apathy.

But the simplest explanation is- bitch, we are all responsible for the plight of our fellow humans! 👀😭🙏

Maybe some people choose to live in ignorance to the plight of humanity and the ecosystems. Maybe it’s easier to just make blanket generalizations and decisions because everything else is too complicated in life to have an alternative conversation.

It is not just “a privilege” to not care about what is going on in your world. If you live that way then you are on the wrong side of history. You are part of insidious and inhumane oppression.

Everyone must have a seat at the table and we must listen to the most vulnerable and systemically oppressed people first and most of all. For how we treat our marginalized communities is a reflection of our society as a whole. And America, we ain’t doing so great in that respect.

That has so much to do with our binary system of dualities in a swipe-eat-swipe world. We come into this world with nothing yet already owing the bank and hospitals thousands of dollars just to be born. The iniquity of debt is stamped upon many of us before we ever got here.

Just by virtue of a skin tone, geographical time and place of your birth, physical and mental impairments, intersexed and sexual orientations, all compounding the triumph and travesty of the human condition. Diversity is in face the true beauty the human condition and evolution itself.

“Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.”-MLK

Part II

Life is a ceaseless conversation in spite of great odds. The human spirit rises above current circumstances, pandemics, wars, recessions, abuses, and injustice. We came together and banded together to make society stronger for us all. It is a choice.

And we get to choose upon how society continues. Our futures are not set in stone. The present itself is rockier and more unsteady than we imagined.

The past 4 months have shaken America to its core. But oppression has always been there. Lurking quiet in the background. Insecure hunters stalking fellow humans who are simply making their way home.

The police brutality against Black people and people of color; Inequity by in healthcare, housing, education, grocery stores, court rooms- in every day activities are experienced many people have lived for centuries across the globe.

Now is the time of awakening- and some chips are going to fall farther than they land. Some actions hurt more than others and consequences can be far-reaching than ever first intended. Masks and Toxic masculinities not withstanding.

The hardships and evils in this life must push us to new ways of living. What we must have is time to find our true highest self & let that guide us forward. Let’s keep waking up ourselves and each other, fam.

So how do we find collectively find ourself as a society? It has been engrained in us to believe that if we are alone then we are wrong. The opposite is true.

Societal change starts within and where you are right now. Only in the absence of external validation of do we become our authentic and idealized selves.

And when you think you have done enough work you still find depths within yourself and you keep digging. Life will build the canals around you.

Let us take inspiration from nature. Let us become like the Earth’s friction and raze the skyscrape bureaucracies we created and build something better for everyone.

The eve of social justice revolutions is upon us. A world of true equality and justice is waiting for us all.